Autophobia

Autophobia is fear of being Abandoned . I don’t know if I’m really auto-phobic, but I know I fear of being alone. I wasn’t like this until things happened in my life. Three years, more or less, my parents were separated, both of them had their own life now with different partners. Since they aren’t married, and their marriage contract is fake, I feel like everything is easily for them. I know they fight a lot, but somehow after suffocating with all their fights, being stuck in between, as an only child, I was left alone. Seeing them having new relationships makes me feel more alone, even though I live with my mom, they give me what I need, but still I feel alone and sad. I wasn’t a serious person before that happened. I was a happy one, and very fun to be with. I feel like even myself left me alone.Having my parents separated made me realized that I have fear in abandonment.

Back in my elementary days, I was bullied by the whole class. I was a transferee when I was in ¬†grade two. I went from the capital of the country to a nearby province. The kids judge on what my fashion is, since the province is still kinda old-fashioned. I ranked at top 3 for our first quarter, so the top 2 together with the other kids, got mad at me, they were threatened, so they dislike me. My classmate shouted at me, I shouted back at them but they are many. There times they throw chalks, crumpled paper, christmas bals, and many more at me. I even showered with silver glitters. I don’t any true friends at that time, some are nice but doesn’t want to be friends with me because they sacred that they might experience what I have. For short, I’m alone.

I got used to being alone, but somehow, everytime I ignore it, I just breakdown and get stressed and depressed. That’s why I’m here, writing this. So atleast even tho I’m alone, there might be someone who will read this, that I will not be alone at all.

 

P.S.

This might seem to be a very lame post. English is not my first language. My grammar isn’t good. I would like to learn more.
Thank you @DailyPost

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3 thoughts on “Autophobia

  1. Olive Ole says:

    So sorry to hear about the bullying! I hope all is better now?

    Don’t worry about the grammar. You do get the message across, so it’s all good. Just keep practising, like you do with this blog.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

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